Pink Thoughts: Chemo Graduation

For the past 6 months, I received 16 rounds of chemotherapy.

Recap:

Phase 1: 4X Doxorubicin and Cyclophosphamide. Every 3 weeks

Phase 2: 12X Paclitaxel and Herceptin. Weekly.

I lost my hair, my eyebrows and my lashes. I would sleep all day and night. Sometimes I can't sleep at all. I sailed through and thought to myself "this is it? Chemo ain't that bad at all!"

Until around the 6th week of Phase 2, I felt that I was getting weaker and weaker. I've been working throughout Phase 2. Each day was a struggle most specially on my way home when all my energy has been spent. The 3 minute walk from the bus stop to home seemed like forever . My legs are so tired like I ran a marathon.

I have chemo induced peripheral neuropathy - my fingers, toes, mouth, chin and surgical site are numb like anesthesia has been applied. The feeling is annoying and slightly painful.

I am now on Phase 3 of my treatment.

13X of Herceptin, every 3 weeks.

20 mg Tamoxifen, daily for 5 years, maybe extended to 10 years.

Herceptin is a fairly new drug/technology. Unlike chemotherapy that kills both healthy and non-healthy cells, Herceptin which is categorized as immune therapy is able to identify cancer cells. Herceptin attaches to the cancer cell and stops it from multiplying. It's given intravenously so I will still take my park walks in the hospital till end of this year.

After chemo, I thought I just need some time to recover. To get back to the old me. Herceptin has milder side effects they said. But then I met Tamoxifen, oh Tamoxifen. A small pill yet so powerful. On the first day I took a pill, 30 minutes later, I felt like fainting. Well coupled with record hot weather temperature of 35~36 deg C. My vision blurred and I had breathing difficulty. It could be the heat I said. The week went on and I still have that fainting feeling. I have mood swings as well, feeling down, quick temper, troubled dreams. I was surprised at how quick I snapped at work. So I had to warn my family of these side effects. I don't want them to get hurt. I felt down when I read on forums and survivor stories that Tamoxifen side effects lasted for years....I'd feel so miserable for the next five years? I have to brush these negative thoughts aside. Instead, I lift them to the Lord in prayer. In Him I draw my peace, Jesus is the Prince of Peace.

Phase 2, weekly chemo photo ops.