Chemo Graduation

For the past 6 months, I received 16 rounds of chemotherapy.

Recap:

Phase 1: 4X Doxorubicin and Cyclophosphamide. Every 3 weeks

Phase 2: 12X Paclitaxel and Herceptin. Weekly.

I lost my hair, my eyebrows and my lashes. I would sleep all day and night. Sometimes I can't sleep at all. I sailed through and thought to myself "this is it? Chemo ain't that bad at all!" 

Until around the 6th week of Phase 2, I felt that I was getting weaker and weaker. I've been working throughout Phase 2. Each day was a struggle most specially on my way home when all my energy has been spent. The 3 minute walk from the bus stop to home seemed like forever . My legs are so tired like I ran a marathon. 

I have chemo induced peripheral neuropathy - my fingers, toes, mouth, chin and surgical site are numb like anesthesia has been applied. The feeling is annoying and slightly painful. 

I am now on Phase 3 of my treatment.

13X of Herceptin, every 3 weeks.

20 mg Tamoxifen, daily for 5 years, maybe extended to 10 years.

Herceptin is a fairly new drug/technology.  Unlike chemotherapy that kills both healthy and non-healthy cells, Herceptin which is categorized as immune therapy is able to identify cancer cells. Herceptin attaches to the cancer cell and stops it from multiplying. It's given intravenously so I will still take my park walks in the hospital till end of this year.

After chemo, I thought I just need some time to recover. To get back to the old me. Herceptin has milder side effects they said. But then I met Tamoxifen, oh Tamoxifen. A small pill yet so powerful. On the first day I took a pill, 30 minutes later, I felt like fainting. Well coupled with record hot weather temperature of 35~36  deg C. My vision blurred and I had breathing difficulty. It could be the heat I said. The week went on and I still have that fainting feeling. I have mood swings as well, feeling down, quick temper, troubled dreams. I was surprised at how quick I snapped at work. So I had to warn my family of these side effects. I don't want them to get hurt. I felt down when I read on forums and survivor stories that Tamoxifen side effects lasted for years....I'd feel so miserable for the next five years? I have to brush these negative thoughts aside. Instead, I lift them to the Lord in prayer. In Him I draw my peace, Jesus is the Prince of Peace.

Phase 2, weekly chemo photo ops.

I've gained weight :-( I have water retention on my feet, hands and probably my face, I look so round. LOL.

Think positive! I have survived! Let's celebrate my chemo graduation!

We had an overnight stay at The Fullerton Hotel. I love the columns! Reminds me of "strength". 

My source of strength during this difficult time:

My Mother 

My Husband

My Children

Jesus Christ.

All my Family.

Friends.

The Greatest Friday of All

Today is Good Friday. 

More than 2,000 years ago, the Greatest Friday of All happened. It was when Jesus died on the cross to be the sacrifice for the sins of mankind, including yours and mine now and in the future.

God is all powerful. Did He really need to sacrifice Jesus, His only begotten son so that we can be saved? Can't He just snap His fingers and say "all your sins are forgiven"? If He did so then it means it is the only way. God is full of mystery, my human mind cannot come close to His. In that, I rest in the assurance that He really loves you and me to let Jesus suffer  to redeem us. I am in so much awe!

Learning I have cancer shook my innermost being. I know that even going through surgery and treatment cannot 100% cure me. Death is so real and may be so close to me. I am fighting death because I love my children and family. But I've now also come to the point that death doesn't scare me. I am ready to die.

Here is a classic question: If you die tonight, do you know where you will go? Will you go to heaven or hell?

• "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23)

We are all sinners....we will die not only physical death but eternal damnation in hell.

• "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23)

Back to my earlier question why God allowed Jesus to die on the cross on that Greatest Friday of all:

• "Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me'" (John 14:6)

Since Jesus already died on the cross to pay for our sins, then we all have eternal life. Not so.....here's what we are to do:

• "That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, 'Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame'" (Romans 10:9-11)

Jesus wants to be our friend, to have a relationship with us. 

• "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me" (Revelation 3:20)

The door that Jesus is pertaining to in this verse is our heart, the door of our life.  Don't we welcome our friends and sometimes even strangers to enter our homes and share our food? Sharing food means you welcome the person and want to spend time with them. This is what Jesus wants! He wants to be your friend, and I am reading the verse literally here as it speaks to me. How many times do we eat? Jesus said He will eat with us. So if we eat at least twice a day, Jesus wants to share that same amount of time with us as our friend. Oh, I am just envisioning Jesus being there at our family meals, how wonderful! And how important is food? If you ask me, oh food is life! So Jesus wants me to share my life with Him! If we let Jesus into our hearts, He will be with us 24/7! 

What a friend we have in Jesus! But that is not all, remember that even before we were born, He had us in mind. Not only does He want to share our earthly life, He wants to eat with us for eternity, in HEAVEN!

That is why the Greatest Friday of All happened more than 2,000 years ago.

As you read my blog, I am praying for you my friend. That God will lead you to discover more of His unmeasureable love for you. If you have not yet asked Jesus to enter your heart, say a simple prayer like the one below now to ask Him to come. 

Dear God, I admit I am a sinner in need of You. Please forgive me of my sins and give me abundant life here on earth and eternal life with You in heaven. I believe Jesus died and rose again for my sins. I invite you Jesus Christ to enter my heart to be my Lord and Savior. Thank You for saving me. In Jesus' name, Amen.

If you are already in a relationship with Jesus, I rejoice with you. Let us continue to nurture that relationship.

God bless us all, thank God for that Greatest Friday of All!

I'm Hooked

I'm hooked again today... Writing this blog while on my chemo chair.

It's no fun but hey, if it kills all the cancer cells in me, then YEY!

While I was homebound, I also got hooked...

Hooking away...

My masterpieces :-) 

First beanie with different flower accents. I love this as it is very comfy. Worked on this for 3 weeks O_O as I was not using the hook and yarn size as the pattern called for. I had to customize the size to fit my pretty bald head.

For the rest of my projects, each was completed within 3 days. 

While shopping for my yarns, I overheard one teenager tell her friend who was also checking out yarns that crocheting is for grandmothers only. Hahaha...she's wrong. I found so many blogs of other hookers who are young, old and even men!

I hope someday I can hook some beanies to donate to those undergoing chemo. 

My version of "adult coloring book" haha.

I made these "sparrows" from my life verse: Matthew 6:26 "If God cares for these birds, He will surely care for me because he loves me more."

When I am not hooking yarn, I'm hooked to my cellphone. Trolling these two:

Kinikilig kilig...makes me forget my current situation. 

24 January

I draw my strength from the Lord. In Him I seek refuge. Just like Hezekiah,(2Kings 20) I weep to God and I know that He listens. 

In whatever circumstance or trial we face, let us look unto the Lord. He created us and the whole universe, what can God not do? 

If we are in sorrow, let us be reminded, God gave His only son to redeem us. Everything on earth is temporary so our hope should be in our life with God in eternity.

God bless us all!

Career!

I was able to go to back to work this week after 4 months. During the first day, by lunch time, my legs, hips and neck were already sore, like I went hiking. 

Home is just a 15 minute walk but to conserve my already low energy, I take the bus. I just save 1/3 of my original walking journey because I still need to walk to the bus stop to get to the bus and then from alighting at the bus stop to the office building. Anyway, better save energy than be so sore the whole day.

I have lunch at home, to avoid infections that may come from unhygienic food preparation from the foodcourt in the office. I am able to squeeze a 10 minute stretch and rest for my back by lying down. 

3 days of work passed by so fast. I'm just so glad that I can still remember how to do my work. The issues I left are still fresh from my memory. Mind is too excited to work on this work on that but I frequently remind myself to take it easy and to leave on time at the end of the day.

Happy that colleagues seem to be glad that I'm back.  They are aware that I'm battling breast cancer, I'm open to let them know. There's nothing to be scared of. A colleague approached me for the first time. He also battled colon cancer last year. 

After dinner, I prepare for bed. My body is screaming for rest rest rest. Legs become very very sore when evening comes. Good thing I bought an electric heating pad. It helps a lot!

I had trouble with my head scarf today, it was always falling off! I have frequent hot flushes, my head gets very sweaty. 

Can I just go out without any scarf? I know I can but eesh, I don't want to look so sick. My eyebrows are starting to fall off... I need to learn how to draw my brow. 

16 weeks survivor-sary

Today is Monday. It's been 16 weeks since the alien was removed from my body. My onco told me that from my mastectomy, I may have been cancer free.

So it's my 16 weeks survivor-sary. Yay! Praise God!

This week also marks my 9th year in Singapore.

God has been so good to me, He is faithful, never forsaken me.

My life verse:

Chemo ...38, 39, Party!!!!

I have completed my 4 cycles of AC. That is adriamycin and cyclophosphamide. I survived Phase 1 of my treatment yay!!!!

PHOTO HEAVY POST COMING.....

AC#1

A week before my first chemo, I had my hair shaved to prepare myself and my kids. I'm eating frozen carrot juice here - Ice Candy prepared by my dear hubby. Eating ice was supposed to prevent mouth sores, a side effect of chemo. Seems effective, I've had only one or two mouth sores per cycle.

"Getting to know you" party with chemo. I partied with nausea, gastric pain, fatigue and drowsiness. Good thing they were not so mean to me. The party went smoothly. Chemo took almost all my hair on the third week though. Started shedding hair down south. Oh, chemo let me sweat it out with hot flushes. I thought I was having fever, my cheeks would suddenly feel hot and my head and back sweats. Wierd feeling! Hello early menopause.

My chemo buddy: my sweet hubby, I love you!

AC#2

Chemo introduced me to his friend vomitting. We only shaked hands and I haven't seen him again (yet). Again nausea, gastric pain, fatigue, hot flushes and drowsiness were glad to party with me.

I'm truly a Baguio girl, I have zigzag veins like Marcos highway that my nurses need to continuously tap my arms like how we do the "pinikpikan" so that my veins would bulge. It takes them 30 minutes to get a vein to cooperate. 

Zoom in on Nurse Flora's forehead and you'll see her sweat haha.  They asked me to get my onco to have a PICC installed.

My chemo buddy: my loving hubby 

AC#3

With my PICC line on my arm installed, no more needle poking. That line is a hollow tube inserted to a vein in my arm and extends near to my heart.

Goodbye instant baths for me. PICC line cannot get wet. Need to wrap.

I've gotten so used to my party pals. Party usually lasts for 3 days. I am feeling normal on the 2 remaining weeks of each cycle but not able to stand longer than 15 minutes. So even with so much free time, I am bed/home bound.

My chemo buddies this round: my sister flew from Philippines just to be with me and my bestie also took time. Thank you!

AC#4

My chemo buddies: hubby and son

After infusion, while waiting for our ride home. We enjoyed this beautiful koi pond in the hospital.

This round was the hardest, when I thought I would just breeze it off like the other cycles.  I had hard time breathing. My chest was so tight. AC is known to affect the heart. I got worried. I was also weaker than usual. I was sleeping like dead for 5 days. I was scheduled for routine heart scan the coming week. I kept praying and speaking to my heart to recover so that I can continue Phase 2.  On the second week, I was feeling better and heart scan result was good. 

Yay! Praise the LORD! I survived Phase 1 chemo!